The Crying Game

the waterworks post forty has become intense

Do you think this will make Dad cry? It’s a running joke now amongst my kids. I’m not sure they are laying money on the line yet, but there is definitely an exchange of chores. Since crossing into the fourth decade I’ve noticed that the waterworks turn on a lot easier than they did in my thirties. It happens at the movies or when some random song comes on the radio. I’ve gotten better at hiding it during school drop-off, but at the gym?

Before I dive into my sweaty, teary-eyed revelation of self, I have a beef to pick. Why are we killing all of our heroes? I gotta blame a large portion of my leaky tear ducts on this affinity within pop culture, and films, in particular, to kill off the heroes of our past. I mean, I was perfectly okay with leaving these guys where we last found them.

A perfect example (SPOILERS) - - - -

They freaking killed, James Bond! I mean, of all the guys out there that were supposed to live forever, it should have been him. It’s not like the continuity of actors, themes, narratives, enemies, or even normal reality has ever held back the storytelling of this character. However, the zeitgeist demands blood, and 007 has sipped his last martini. Now, in all fairness, it was an exit most befitting the character. If he has to go, I’ll take this death over most others.

Another example (SPOILERS, honestly if you don’t know at this point, you don’t care) - - - -

They killed Luke Skywalker! and Han Solo! AND OUR PRINCESS LEIA! Given the time between the originals and the new movies, I thought they were in the clear. It has truly made me second guess watching any new series dealing with historical heroes from the past. I was barely able to watch the new OBI-WAN KENOBI series, even though I know he has to stay alive because of the timeline. I feared the blood-soaked keyboards from the writer’s room would find another way to take the last breath from another hero.

So the fact that I cry occasionally (that’s probably not an honest assessment) at the movies should be expected. However, it was a little surprising to me when it hit me at the gym. I was listening to my headphones while working out last week. Normally this would be a combination of 80’s glam rock, and 90’s grunge, with a mix of old-school hip hop … you know the normal adrenaline junkie soundtrack. For some reason, I decided to allow my recent dive into singer-songwriters to play over my workout. Big mistake.

I’m holding a fifty-pound weight over my head, straining to finish the last couple of reps in this set, and tears start streaming down my face. An outside witness would have assumed it was just a struggle with the weight, that is until a weak sob escaped my lips. I know ridiculous, right? 😭

I blame it all on Zach Bryan. In late August he released a new single, Burn, Burn, Burn. It’s an argument for getting rid of the superficial things in your life and concentrating on those people and experiences that give life value. It forced me into an immediate evaluation of myself and tugged at a sentimental string that hasn’t seen much light. I’m sure many of us are finding the experience of the past two-plus years a little difficult to process. So much has changed for so many, and the definition of normal alters from day to day. I’m personally coming to terms with the fact that the phrase, “back to normal,” is a fallacy. We were always at normal, but it just looked different than we were used to.

More and more often, as I have gotten older, I find myself looking at things through time and in the moment simultaneously. I see my daughter getting out of the car in the school dropoff line at both eleven and five. I hug my mom as both an adult and a child. I sit across from my wife at dinner, looking at her smiling face both today and twenty years ago. It’s proof that love grows.

All of this brings me joy, and sometimes tears of joy.

It’s quite profound what time can both give and take away, simultaneously. If it’s taught me anything, it’s that if we push on it, time bends towards happiness, and you should never feel ashamed of joyful tears. You’ve earned them.